Last Orders (2001)

Written and directed by Fred Schepisi, this is a disappointing adaptation of Graeme Swift‘s Booker Prize-winning novel. 

When Alex (Michael Caine) dies, his friends and son honour his final wishes by travelling to Margate to scatter his ashes from the end of the pier. In undertaking this journey, they consider their memories of him and their feelings for each other, past and present.

Somehow, what works beautifully on the page fails to translate to the screen.

Graeme Swift's elegant weaving together of different times and places makes perfect sense in a written context. But filmed, the multiple time frames and young/old juxtapositions seem clunky. Plus, the cheesy music by Paul Grabowsky is jarring and inappropriate. 

Helen Mirren is solid as Jack’s wife Amy. Ray Winstone, Bob Hoskins and Tom Courtenay just do what they always do.

The Weatherman (2005)

Extremely downbeat drama with flashes of comedy. 

Nicolas Cage plays a TV weatherman having problems with his dying father (Michael Caine), estranged wife (Hope Davis) and unhappy children. He’s also having a sort of midlife crisis, and members of the public who recognise him keep throwing junk food at him. 

It’s whimsical and engaging but you wish it was funnier. Michael Caine’s dodgy American accent is a distraction. Cage and Davis are both excellent, however, and the film gains gravitas as it progresses. 

It’s a deeply sad story. Cage’s character seems such a nice guy that you’re completely on his side even as everything seems to go wrong around him.

Little Voice (1998)

Drama starring Jane Horrocks as “Little Voice”, a talented singer who – following the death of her father – hides away in her room owing to her intimidating mother Mari (Brenda Blethyn). But when Mari takes up with shifty promoter Ray Say (Michael Caine), the latter sees a fortune to be made by exploiting the reclusive young vocalist. 

Horrocks and Blethyn are both excellent. Jim Broadbent is suitably seedy as club owner Mr. Boo. And Ewan McGregor is more likeable than usual as the telephone engineer Billy. It's appealing and gritty, like Brassed Off, but I found the styling of LV's father (a sort of ghost or imagined visitor) oddly naff. I can see why he was portrayed in black and white – it was how he was shown in LV's treasured photo – but as a visual treatment it looked silly.

That point aside, it's engrossing and Horrocks' vocal impersonations of Marilyn Monroe, Shirley Bassey, and so on are compelling. Likewise, it's fascinating to hear Michael Caine's desperate, deranged version of "It's Over" by Roy Orbison when he realises that his various problems have all caught up with him.

Now You See Me (2013)

Highly entertaining but totally unfeasible thriller. 

Four street magicians are brought together by a criminal mastermind to pull off large-scale tricks – such as robbing a bank in another country – as part of their glitzy stage show. 

It’s an unusual concept and it just about works, provided that you never question a sequence of highly unlikely scenarios in which the magicians exercise almost god-like powers. You also need to overlook a couple of enormous plot holes.

Mark Ruffalo is appealing as FBI agent Dylan Rhodes, and Mélanie Laurent is likeable as French Interpol agent Alma Dray. Morgan Freeman is a little silly as a professional debunker of tricks. Michael Caine doesn't have enough to do as a dodgy insurance magnate. The magicians themselves – played by Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher and Dave Franco – are a little too slick and self-satisfied. They can behave like superheroes, and we could have been given more of a sense of their motivations. 

The film is itself a sort of magic trick and it keeps you guessing to the end. It’s very silly indeed – but fun.

Children of Men (2006)

Co-written and directed by Alfonso Cuarón, this is a remarkable dystopian thriller adapted from a novel by P. D. James. 

It’s 2027 and the world has gone to ruin. For 18 years, humans have been infertile. When the youngest person dies, it’s a major news event. Meanwhile, Theo Faron (Clive Owen) finds himself looking after a girl (Clare-Hope Ashitey) who – miraculously – is pregnant. He attempts to transport her to safety amid anarchy and violent hostility. 

It’s a terrifying drama because it looks and feels so real. Maybe it’s the grim English locations or perhaps it’s the brilliant, deadpan script, but it’s utterly believable. Other details help – the old car that won’t start, or the pair of flip-flops Theo has to wear. The appalling treatment of immigrants doesn’t even seem like a prediction any more, after Donald Trump’s treatment of Mexicans and the UK Conservative government announcing plans to fly people off to Rwanda. 

Clive Owen – always excellent – is really at his best here. Michael Caine is superb as an ageing hippy drug dealer called Jasper. And Julianne Moore is great as Theo’s estranged wife, although I wish she was in the film for longer. 

It’s disturbing and thought-provoking, but with moments of humour too. A masterpiece.

A Bridge Too Far (1977)

Alternative title: An Hour Too Long. 

During World War II, Operation Market Garden was an Allied operation that took place in September 1944. It aimed to secure key river crossings, enabling a route from the Netherlands into northern Germany – culminating with the strategically vital Arnhem bridge. 

That real-life saga is brought to life with mixed results. Unfortunately, at nearly three hours it’s excessively drawn out. The film gets off to a very slow start, too, and it’s a full 52 minutes until the first shot is fired. There are a lot of characters and plenty of time is used up introducing them and generally setting the scene. It’s an extreme example of the all-star cast, cramming in key roles for Dirk Bogarde, James Caan, Michael Caine, Sean Connery, Denholm Elliott, Edward Fox, Elliott Gould, Gene Hackman, Anthony Hopkins, Ryan O'Neal, Laurence Olivier and Robert Redford. The ensemble approach works reasonably enough and it adds scope, but it does mean you don’t get to know – or care about – any particular individual very well. 

Despite the jaunty music at times and the sense that for the posh Brits it’s all just a jolly jape, there’s a strong message about the brutality of war and the film doesn’t hold back from showing the realities of injury and death. 

It’s superior to the likes of The Great Escape and The Longest Day, although still oddly unsatisfying. It fails to convey why these battles are so important or to provide a wider context of how they fit into the war.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)

Charming comedy starring Michael Caine and Steve Martin as two rival con artists working in the south of France. Both actors are on top form. Also great is Glenne Headly as Janet Colgate, the woman they try to cheat out of $50,000. 

There are lots of laughs, some of them subtle and some of them silly, but it’s surprisingly sophisticated in places. 

Ian “Emperor Palpatine” McDiarmid plays a butler.

Water (1985)

Michael Caine plays the Governor of the (fictional) Caribbean island of Cascara. The generally quiet, happy life on this remote British colony is interrupted when it’s discovered that there’s a potentially lucrative natural supply of mineral water beneath the ground. Suddenly, everyone from US oil magnates and the British Prime Minister (Maureen Lipman as Margaret Thatcher) to Cuban guerrillas and a French water business want a stake in Cascara’s future. 

The cast features many actors known from TV roles, including Billy Connolly, Leonard Rossiter (in his final performance), Fulton Mackay, Ruby Wax and Fred “Herman Munster” Gwynne. 

I’m not a fan of Connolly, but thankfully he’s fairly restrained in this part – partly because his character has vowed to communicate only via song. On the down side, there’s a long, cringeworthy scene in which he plays on stage with a band including George Harrison, Ringo Starr and Eric Clapton. Half of the Beatles and the world’s most famous living guitarist, and all they could come up with was a snug, dreary, tepid mess. 

That aside, it’s a playful, good-natured comedy that’s both intelligent and very silly. I like the way the various plot threads come together. At its best it recalls a less subtle and sophisticated version of Local Hero, particularly for the strong sense of community it develops.

Shiner (2000)

Tough Brit crime thriller about a boxing promoter, Billy “Shiner” Simpson (Michael Caine), whose fortunes are hanging in the balance. Billy has gambled his (and his daughters’) financial future on a match that happens to feature his own son, the “Golden Boy”, against a tough US fighter. And his son is absolutely terrified.

A gritty, violent drama that quickly escalates into something harrowing, Shiner tackles issues of class, the meaning of family, and American versus British ways of life. It also works as a sort of Shakespearean tragedy.

The film was poorly received and that’s a great shame because Caine is stunning in the lead role – completely convincing as a tough guy whose life is beginning to unravel.

Without a Clue (1988)

Amusing and intelligent spin on Sherlock Holmes, starring Michael Caine as the famous detective. The twist is that this Holmes is a total buffoon – merely an actor hired by Dr. Watson (Ben Kingsley), and it’s Watson who has to do all the hard work of solving mysteries. But of course Holmes wins all the public adoration anyway, causing a degree of tension between the two. 

The plot deals with arch villain Moriarty's scheme to print fake bank notes. It’s mainly set in London but there’s an inconsequential detour to Lake Windermere, possibly just to get in some “tourist brochure” scenery.

Lysette Anthony is reasonably appealing as the young woman both Holmes and Watson are attracted to, but of course Leslie isn’t quite what she seems.

It’s very amiable and surprisingly funny, with quite a few laugh-out-loud moments based on Holmes’ ineptitude.

The Statement (2003)

Directed by Norman Jewison, this drama was adapted from a novel by Brian Moore, which was itself based on events relating to real-life Vichy French police official Paul Touvier. 

Pierre Brossard (Michael Caine) was a Nazi collaborator, and has been at large in France for nearly 50 years. He has been protected by loyal Catholics and others, but when a lawyer (Tilda Swinton) and a colonel in the National Gendarmerie (Jeremy Northam) start to pursue him he’s forced to take more extreme measures.  

Caine is absolutely excellent as a man plagued by guilt and wracked with psychic pain, yet someone who is also still a self-interested racist bigot. I could totally believe his character as he lurches – with his fervent faith and his heart problems – from one crisis to another. 

The narrative works well, with some fairly dramatic moments. The only unsatisfying element is that it’s never quite explained why so many people go to such lengths to defend the indefensible. Yes, the various priests were worried that their own crimes might be revealed, but how does that apply in a wider sense? It seems like there’s a joined-up conspiracy to protect him, involving the Church, members of the police force and government officials, some of whom have little connection to the events of 1944.

The diverse cast also includes Alan Bates, Ciarán Hinds, John Neville and Charlotte Rampling.

Quicksand (2003)

Martin Raikes (Michael Keaton) plays an American bank investigator who is framed for murder by ruthless thugs using a Monaco film studio to hide their various crimes. Lela Forin (Judith Godreche) is a naive employee of the crooks, while Jake Mellows (Michael Caine) is a past-his-prime actor they are using to keep up appearances. 

For a direct-to-video thriller, it’s pretty good. The two Michaels both deliver to a reasonable standard. There’s drama and tension, and the plot offers a few surprises. Caine seems underused, but his increased presence in the final quarter adds humour and depth to proceedings. 

Kathleen Wilhoite is strong as Keaton’s pregnant PA. On the down side, the villains weren’t given much in the way of character.

I was hooked throughout, even if there were occasions when it was necessary not to ask too many questions of the plot.

A Shock to the System (1990)

Graham Marshall (Michael Caine) works as an advertising executive in New York. After losing out on a promotion, he sets off for home and ends up accidentally killing a man in a minor scuffle by pushing him onto the subway tracks. No one else witnesses what happens, so he walks away from the scene without repercussions. This is a moment that profoundly changes his outlook, offering him a strange kind of liberation. Before long, he’s considering murder as a way to get what he wants in his personal life and also in terms of his professional ambitions. 

Caine is suitably creepy as a seemingly reasonable man who turns into a killer. Elizabeth McGovern is believable as the naive, admiring girl who ends up getting a little too close to him. And Peter Riegert convinces as the cocky, competent boss who takes the job that Graham assumed was his. 

There’s both a delicious kind of grim black comedy and enough dramatic tension to keep you hooked. The film also makes a point about the difference between the wealthy and the very poor, and between the young and the old. 

The ending isn’t what you might expect, but it does satisfy.

The Romantic Englishwoman (1975)

Lewis Fielding (Michael Caine) is a successful novelist. When his wife Elizabeth (Glenda Jackson) takes a trip to Baden-Baden to “find herself” and meets a thief and drug smuggler named Thomas (Helmut Berger), Lewis experiences intense jealousy. Then after Elizabeth returns to England, Thomas invites himself into the couple’s home and slowly but surely begins to interfere with various aspects of their lives. 

Directed by Joseph Losey and co-written by Tom Stoppard and Thomas Wiseman, it’s a brilliant, play-like drama focusing on the relationships between three characters. Thomas is brilliantly ambiguous. We learn almost nothing about him other than how he affects the family he moves in with. At times it felt like it could turn into a sort of horror story, but it was too subtle and nuanced for that. It’s partly about gender roles. It’s also about how the veneer of a wealthy middle-class existence can hide discontent and despair. 

Caine is as watchable as ever, while Jackson is superb as a mother and housewife who seems to have everything and yet feels hopelessly trapped in her world of luxury.

Silver Bears (1978)

In this mildly amusing banking thriller adapted from a novel by Paul Erdman, Michael Caine stars as a monetary wizard who creates a Swiss bank to finance a silver mine in Iran. But all is not as it seems and he ends up having to out-scam the crooks who are attempting to scam him. 

It’s flawed but entertaining. On the down side, a couple of the characters are misjudged and could have been cut completely – for example, Jay Leno is awkward and almost entirely pointless as Albert Fiore. It’s also a little slow to get going, and for a so-called comedy it could have been a lot funnier. 

On the plus side, Cybill Shepherd is excellent as the kooky wife of an accountant. The film improves from the moment she steps into it. And Charles “Blofeld” Gray is easy to like as a millionaire precious-metals dealer. Louis Jourdan and Joss Ackland are also fairly strong. The Swiss locations look good, and there’s a nice soundtrack by Claude Bolling.

Half Moon Street (1986)

Awkward thriller that completely fails to make the most of its talented stars. 

An American scholar named Dr. Slaughter (Sigourney Weaver) works for a pro-Arab think tank in London. To supplement her meagre pay, she takes on work as an escort. Even more improbably, she only starts doing this because someone anonymously sends her a videotape about the escort industry. Incredibly, she doesn’t even adopt a fake name. (She might not have minded people knowing about her dual career, but the sexist snobs at her institute surely would have done.) Through this new line of work she meets Lord Bulbeck (Michael Caine), a diplomat brokering a peace deal in the Middle East and a man with dangerous enemies.

The disjointed, badly plotted narrative lurches from scene to scene. It hints at a complex web of interconnected threads, but the “big reveal” – when it finally arrives – turns out to be disappointingly simplistic. 

Many of the scenes seem to have been invented as an excuse to get Sigourney Weaver to take her clothes off – such as her sitting in the bath and calling in the landlord to tell him that the shower doesn’t work. Yet the film tries to have its cake and eat it by giving her lines about gender equality and being “in control”. You wonder how the iconic star of Alien, Ghostbusters, Working Girl and Gorillas in the Mist could possibly have been happy accepting this role. 

On the plus side, there’s a certain chemistry between Weaver and Caine. Most of the acting is reasonably strong, and the script avoids cliché. But Half Moon Street falls flat because director Bob Swaim seems unable to handle basic storytelling or plot logic. Instead, he creates a muddled mess that feels both half-baked and exploitative.

Educating Rita (1983)

Hugely charming comedy-drama written by Willy Russell and directed by Lewis Gilbert. Rita a.k.a. Susan (Julie Walters) is a 26-year-old working-class Liverpudlian who begins an Open University course. Frank (Michael Caine) is her middle-aged tutor who feels jaded about his life and career, with a failing personal life and a drink problem. As they start to get to know each other by discussing literature, the pair begin to change each other in various ways. 

The storytelling is superb. It’s funny and poignant. The two leads are perfect in their roles and they have great chemistry together. When they are both on screen, there’s not a single misjudged moment, and every element either contributes to the development of the plot or deepens the extremely well-drawn characters.

The only aspect that seemed a little out of place was Maureen Lipman as Rita's Mahler-loving "bohemian" friend. She's funny, but seems almost a pantomime caricature. A pretentious student mentor would have better served the narrative.

There’s a superb semi-electronic soundtrack by David Hentschel, too.

It was interesting to see how much the respected film critic Robert Ebert got wrong about this film: "The movie stars Michael Caine as a British professor of literature and Julie Walters as the simple Cockney girl who comes to him for night-school lessons. She has problems: She is a working-class punk with an unimaginative husband." She's not a "Cockney" and she's not a "punk". 

Maybe it just doesn't translate to American audiences.

The Whistle Blower (1986)

Spy thriller. Michael Caine stars as a retired naval officer and Korean War veteran. Nigel Havers is his son, a linguist working for GCHQ who is compromised after finding out too much about the true workings of the British establishment. 

The plot can be complex and difficult to follow. Still not sure why the Russian spy was held in a fake hotel constructed in an aircraft hangar, but all of this probably makes more sense in the original novel by John Hale. 

Caine is absolutely excellent, showing more diversity and range in his acting than he’s often credited for. Havers is likeable, too, despite his years of TV overexposure. There are also parts for James Fox and John Gielgud. 

It’s a consistently engrossing low-budget English drama that’s worth seeing if only for the scene in which Michael Caine gets his friend (Barry Foster) drunk on vodka while concealing his own sobriety.

Youth (2015)

Paolo Sorrentino drama set at a luxury spa hotel in Wiesen in the Swiss Alps, where wealthy and famous people rest, relax and pass the time doing as little as possible. 

What “plot” there is focuses on the interconnected stories of several characters, but primarily on a retired composer (Michael Caine) and his film director friend of 60 years (Harvey Keitel), who is attempting to write a final masterpiece. Rachel Weisz is the composer’s daughter and assistant, while Jane Fonda plays an elderly actress and Paul Dano is an actor only known for a novelty role as a robot. 

The film is a sort of meditation on growing old and what that process does to relationships of various sorts. Fittingly, the pace is glacially slow and that aspect means it certainly isn’t going to be to everyone’s taste. Likewise, the fairly bleak outlook has little good news to offer about reaching the age of 80. The ugly aesthetic doesn’t help much, either.

There are surreal, whimsical moments and flashes of humour. When Rachel Weisz’s husband leaves her for singer Paloma Faith (played by herself), we see the latter in a pop video sequence that turns out to be a dream. Another scene depicts a vision in which Harvey Keitel sees all the actresses he’s ever worked with, standing in a field.

As the film progresses, at its own particular rate, the threads begin to knit together and greater depths are revealed. “Emotions are all we’ve got,” says Keitel at one point.

Impressive, but difficult to love.

Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)

Charming New York comedy written and directed by Woody Allen. It examines the lives and relationships of three sisters, played by Mia Farrow, Barbara Hershey and Dianne Wiest. Their husbands (or ex-husbands) are played by Michael Caine, Max von Sydow and Woody Allen, while Carrie Fisher is woefully underused as a family friend.

As with most Woody Allen films it’s intricately plotted, with wit, sophistication and emotion, but unusually for his work a few things seemed slightly unresolved. What happened to the architect that Dianne Wiest and Carrie Fisher were both going to the opera with? Did they both decide not to date him? It felt like a scene was missing. Also, there’s a moment in which Barbara Hershey’s character Lee is heading to an AA meeting. Then later she is seen dancing with Michael Caine and enjoying a glass of wine. Did he get her back on the booze and, if so, shouldn’t the story have picked up on this? Or was that a continuity mistake? These points aside, it’s a thought-provoking drama that’s resolved in a very satisfactory way.