Haywire (2012)

Dreadful thriller. 

Private intelligence agent Mallory Kane (a fundamentally miscast Gina Carano) is double-crossed by the people who recruited her, and has to go on the run. 

Directed self-consciously by Steven Soderbergh, it has an excessive use of filters and intrusive “funky” music by David Holmes in place of dialogue. Plus, despite all the fighting (Carano was a mixed martial artist), most of the “action” scenes are surprisingly dull. 

It’s remarkable that big names such as Michael Douglas, Ewan McGregor, Antonio Banderas and Michael Fassbender got themselves involved in such a clichéd mess. The script – what there is of one – is extremely poor. The plotting is confused. The complete lack of a character for the main part is conspicuous. Carano simply doesn’t have the screen presence or acting ability to carry off the lead role. She was better as a supporting character in The Mandalorian, except that Lucasfilm sacked her after she made anti-mask, pro-Trump statements.

There’s literally not one good thing about Haywire – that title bears no relation to anything in the story – except that parts of it are unintentionally funny. The worst film I’ve seen for quite a long time.

Heartburn (1986)

Adapted by Nora Ephron from her own novel, this is a slightly disappointing drama about the ups and downs of a relationship. Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson play Rachel and Mark, and the film focuses on the couple's story from first meeting, through marrying, having children and facing up to Mark’s history of infidelity. 

There's some intriguing casting. Stockard Channing seems underused as a friend (she's too charismatic to be given such a minor part). Jeff Daniels is credible as Rachel’s editor. In his first film role, Kevin Spacey plays a thief on the subway.

Split between New York and Washington, D.C., the bittersweet narrative has comic moments but isn’t a comedy as such – despite what’s presented on the DVD box.

Carly Simon provides the theme song in “Coming Around Again”, which also recurs as “Itsy Bitsy Spider”. 

It’s not quite as engaging as you might hope. Streep and Nicholson are always excellent, but it could have been sharper, more poignant and more funny.

Fury (2014)

Brad Pitt stars as Collier, a tough American sergeant commanding a Sherman tank (named Fury) on missions through Germany towards the end of World War II. The film focuses on his relationship with his crew and how they adapt to a new, naive young recruit (Logan Lerman) joining their team despite having no military experience.

The set pieces are violent and dramatic. An extended scene set in a house with two German women is especially powerful. 

It’s atmospheric and it looks convincingly grey, bleak and muddy.

Brad Pitt has rarely impressed me as an actor but he’s at his best here, finding a depth and charisma that sometimes eludes him in lesser roles.

Flight (2012)

Brilliantly directed by Robert Zemeckis, this drama starts with the absolute terror of an aviation disaster and then gets even more harrowing. 

A drunk, coked-up pilot (Denzel Washington) crash-lands a jet in a miraculous style but struggles to control his addictions during the legal investigation that could clear his name. 

It’s moving, and doesn’t end how you might expect. Washington brings real depth to the part. I especially liked his recovering heroin addict girlfriend played by Kelly Reilly. 

Not even the presence of John Goodman as a clownish drug dealer can ruin the film, although Goodman still gives it his best shot. His appearance changes the tone and risks making the whole thing into a farce. But thankfully his scenes are brief. 

No Escape (2015)

Engineer Jack Dwyer (Owen Wilson) relocates to Southeast Asia with his wife Annie (Lake Bell) and two daughters. But soon after they arrive, they become trapped in local riots and a revolution. Certain to be murdered, they have no option but to attempt to flee.

It’s an exceedingly well-made action thriller that never lets up. There are some harrowing sequences and I will never forget the scene in which Jack – moments from being shot with his family and faced with an impossible choice – has to hurl his children between two buildings. 

Pierce Brosnan is excellent as the British intelligence agent who helps the Dwyers. He exudes charisma and charm, even with a silly London accent that makes him sound Australian. 

Director John Erick Dowdle favours jerky, semi-documentary edits that give the scenes a sense of urgency – although the effect may be overused. 

Critics complained that the film is xenophobic, but it's deliberately positioned from the Americans' perspective and as such conveys how terrifying such a situation might have seemed to them.

Casualties of War (1989)

Directed by Brian De Palma, this tells the story of an American soldier in the Vietnam War (Michael J. Fox) who reports the other members of his squad for kidnapping, raping and murdering a Vietnamese woman. It’s loosely based on the 1966 “incident on Hill 192”, although names have been changed. 

Fox turns out to be fairly convincing as the squeaky-clean Lutheran who resists his sergeant (a believably on-the-edge Sean Penn). He just looks a little too fresh and healthy, even when he’s sent to hospital, and his hair never seems to get ruffled. In contrast, the war scenes are scary and realistic. 

The music is by Ennio Morricone and – despite its appeal – seems a little too prominent for certain scenes.

Red Sparrow (2018)

An oddly awkward thriller. 

Manipulated by her evil uncle in the SVR (Matthias Schoenaerts), a former ballerina for the Bolshoi (JennIfer Lawrence) becomes embroiled in Russian intelligence and is assigned to entrap a CIA operative (an underwhelming Joel Edgerton) via methods of “sexpionage”. 

The plot is complicated, with countless twists, but just about hangs together if you don’t ask too many questions. What makes the film overwrought and even embarrassing to watch is the excessive violence, torture and rape. It seems to revel in all those things. Yet, incredibly, it’s still a “15” certificate. 

Jennifer Lawrence is unable to make much of her character because the part is so cold and robotic. The sections set in Sparrow School, with Charlotte Rampling as the Matron, border on the ridiculous and farcical – with a gratuitously pervy quality. It makes you wonder why an actress as well-established as Lawrence would have chosen to be associated with the film.

Beaches (1988)

Bette Midler is middling in this musical comedy drama that’s neither funny nor dramatic. 

Beaches tells the story (in flashback) of two childhood friends who keep in touch by writing letters and meet up again as adults. Cecilia Carol (“C.C.”) Bloom (Midler) is a singer who finally makes it big, while Barbara Hershey plays her pal Hillary, a well-to-do lawyer. When Hillary gets ill, C.C. abandons a headlining concert to drive a long distance to be by her side.

The film is also a sort of musical, with Midler performing several songs. The problem is that I found her singing and acting completely devoid of appeal. She’s like a cut-price Barbra Streisand with none of the charm or charisma. 

If you like Midler’s voice and brash persona, you’ll probably love the film. If you don’t, you’ve had it. The big “emotional” conclusion doesn’t move you because the characters don’t seem real enough. It’s difficult to believe they would ever have been friends, such is the lack of chemistry. The film also fails to chronicle C.C.’s rise to fame. We’re shown at the beginning that she’s a big star because she’s sold out a stadium show, but there’s nothing about how she made it to that point. Indeed, the storytelling is oddly patchy throughout, with too much time given to certain events and then significant happenings skipped entirely. Did they simply film the first draft of the script, before someone could take a look at the pacing and rhythm?

Beaches is also notable for especially weak and underwritten male roles. I know the focus is meant to be on the two women, but did their boyfriends and husbands really have to be so one-dimensional?

Good Bye, Lenin! (2003)

Alex Kerner (Daniel Brühl) lives with his mother (Kathrin Sass) and sister (Maria Simon) in East Germany in the days before the fall of the Berlin Wall. Alex takes part in an anti-communist rally at which he meets his future girlfriend (Chulpan Khamatova), but his mother – shocked by events – falls into a coma. When she awakes, Alex needs to protect her from further shocks and takes it upon himself to prevent her discovering that the revolution has taken place. 

The comedy of the film comes from the extraordinary lengths he goes to in order to preserve that illusion.

It’s a sweet and sensitive drama that manages to be poignant and often hilarious.

It makes serious political points about nationality, family and the changing times, but in a gentle way that never feels dull or worthy. At its heart is an examination of Alex's relationships – with his mother, his girlfriend and his sister, but also with his father and his country.

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (2013)

When the North Norfolk radio station is taken over by a multinational corporation, DJ Pat Farrell (Colm Meaney) is sacked – partly because of the urging of self-centred rival Alan Partridge (Steve Coogan). Farrell then holds the station to siege, and unexpectedly it seems that only Partridge can save the day.

On first viewing, at the cinema in 2013, this was a huge disappointment to me as a fan of various Alan Partridge TV programmes. Whereas those allow the slow, painful comedy of Alan’s vanities to unfold, this film-length adaptation loses that excruciating magic through its fast-cut scenes and rapid dialogue. The story is OK but the other characters are too prominent to be left so undeveloped. Michael (Simon Greenall) and Lynn (Felicity Montagu) seem to be there only as a nod to their TV roles, and not because the plot requires them, so the comic talents of both are wasted.

There are a few good chuckles, but it isn’t the glorious study of ego and insecurity that Partridge delivers at his best. A second viewing reveals more to admire, and you notice how clever a lot of the writing is, but it still lacks the outright hilarity you might be hoping for.

Looper (2012)

Sci-fi mind-scrambler that involves time travel and telekinesis. Retired assassin Joe (Bruce Willis) is sent back from 2074 to 2044 to be killed by his younger self (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). But of course things don’t go to plan. 

It’s an intriguing premise but the first half of the film gets a little bogged down in explaining the complicated "rules". It improves in the second half, when farm woman Sara (Emily Blunt) appears as the love interest for the younger of the two Joes. She is also the mother of a boy who will grown up to be an evil future ganglord if the course of events is not disrupted. 

It’s best if you don’t ask too many questions about the time travel aspects of the story. There are some exciting moments, but the film didn’t make me care about any of the characters. It was difficult to believe that Joseph Gordon-Levitt would ever become Bruce Willis, so different were the two actors in terms of charisma. Gordon-Levitt seems to have barely any character at all. I'm no fan of Willis, but he does at least bring a basic presence to his scenes.

On the plus side, it’s not every day that you hear Richard and Linda Thompson’s "I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight" on a soundtrack.

Fatal Attraction (1987)

Brilliantly tense thriller. 

Dan Gallagher (Michael Douglas) and Alex Forrest (Glenn Close) strike up a brief but intense affair in New York City. It soon transpires that Alex is slightly mad, and rather than allowing herself to be merely being dismissed after their weekend fling instead wants more commitment than Dan is prepared to offer. Events escalate and soon become nasty, and Dan’s wife (Anne Archer) and daughter find themselves in serious danger. 

Having heard lots about this film over the years I was surprised at how exciting it was. It’s excellently directed by Adrian Lyne, with perfect pacing, and the camera work makes it especially edgy. I like the fact that the story is so simple, without any distracting sub-plots or unnecessary back-stories. It’s a pure, fast-moving narrative that’s handled with great skill. 

The two leads are both superb, and Close is all too convincing in her demented/obsessive role. Something about her smile and her eyes makes you believe she’s capable of anything. Douglas is also pretty good as the harassed lawyer trying to hold his life together but watching it slide out of control.

The film sidesteps ethical issues – presumably to focus on being a taut thriller. We’re left unsure how to feel about Dan’s actions. Should his wife forgive him? And didn’t Alex have a point when she accused him of using and discarding her? But the decision to keep strictly to the plot may have been a wise one as Fatal Attraction rattles along excitingly, without any misjudgements, and ends in a satisfying, conclusive manner.

Indecent Proposal (1993)

A young couple struggling for money, David (Woody Harrelson) and Diana (Demi Moore), are offered a million dollars by wealthy businessman John Gage (Robert Redford) if he can spend a night with Diana. The pair are faced with a choice that will have huge implications for their lives. 

It’s an intriguing premise and the fall-out on the couple’s relationship makes up the bulk of the story, even though the initial premise itself is hardly explored at all. Details of the million-dollar night in question are discreetly avoided after the initial set-up in which we see Diana being whisked to a private yacht. You could argue that this is a wise move – we experience the same doubt and confusion about what went on as David – but it seems an oddly evasive approach for a film constructed on the very premise of that night.

Directed by Adrian Lyne, the film isn't sure whether it wants to be a thriller or a drama. I expected more running around, more psychological warfare and more peril, but the stakes remain disappointedly low. 

I liked the notion of Robert Redford as the villain, since he so rarely plays baddies, but the plot ultimately decided to show him as a nice guy. And it didn’t examine the more intriguing question of what kind of nice guy offers to buy a woman. By raising interesting ethical and personal issues and then shying away from them, Indecent Proposal ends up seeming merely glossy and a little shallow.

Frost/Nixon (2008)

Historical drama detailing a celebrated set of 1977 TV interviews between David Frost (Michael Sheen) and US President Richard Nixon (Frank Langella). Adapted from a play by Peter Morgan, it’s directed by Ron Howard. 

The film focuses on the relationship between the two men, who undertake a sort of psychological boxing match as Frost tries to get Nixon to acknowledge his wrong-doing and law-breaking during the events that famously became known as Watergate. 

It has character and depth, with both men emerging as more complex figures than they first appear to be. 

One major anachronism is a character using the phrase “comfort zone”, which – according to the internet, was not coined until 2009. 

The only other flaw is that Frost’s girlfriend (played by Rebecca Hall) has very little to do. But maybe that’s intended as a comment on gender roles in what was clearly still meant to be a men’s world.

The Sentinel (2006)

Michael Douglas stars as Pete Garrison, a secret service agent who is both protecting the US president and having an affair with the First Lady (Kim Basinger). But when an assassination plot emerges, Garrison ends up being the chief suspect – investigated and pursued by his colleagues Kiefer Sutherland and Eva Longoria. 

It’s a fairly exciting thriller with a few surprises. On a technical note it was odd that certain outside scenes were heavily filtered in the way that the bulk of the film wasn’t. In terms of the plot, it was difficult to believe that someone as old as Michael Douglas could still be doing a job so dependent on physical strength, coordination and reaction times. But then Clint Eastwood was even older in In the Line of Fire, which is a far superior treatment of similar themes. Also, the motives behind the assassination plot aren’t really explained and the characters aren’t really developed. The flawed presidential marriage isn’t explored. If the First Lady is unhappy enough to have an affair with her bodyguard, wouldn’t the president be at least aware that there were cracks in the relationship? And Keifer Sutherland’s initial dislike/distrust of Eva Longoria isn’t really referenced again after it’s first introduced.

The Crying Game (1992)

Unusual, original and adventurous thriller directed by Neil Jordan. 

Stephen Rea plays Fergus, an IRA soldier who grows attached to a hostage named Jody (Forest Whitaker) he is ultimately expected to kill. After events turn even more nasty for the unit, Fergus flees and ends up making a new life for himself in London. He seeks out Jody’s romantic partner, and everything he does is guided by having had that intense relationship with him. Before long, his old life starts to come back to him. 

It’s a tense drama with welcome moments of humour and whimsy. 

Miranda Richardson is excellent as the oddly terrifying Jude, an IRA member who is used to snare the hostage. It’s also good to see Tony Slattery and Jim Broadbent in the cast.

I like the way The Crying Game manages to subvert all expectations by turning into a different kind of film about halfway through but then ultimately bringing the two threads back together. Race, gender, sexuality, nationality and morality are all considered, but never in a heavy-handed way. Instead, these themes grow naturally from the engrossing plot and convincing characters.

Hello, Dolly! (1969)

Romantic comedy musical starring Barbra Streisand, Walter Matthau and Michael Crawford.   

A widowed matchmaker seeks a husband in (and around) New York in 1895, employing a number of outlandish schemes to secure his affections. 

On the down side, with the exception of the annoying title song, none of the music is memorable and the plot is thin indeed. Also, Matthau is so unappealingly grumpy as the millionaire Horace Vandergelder that you can’t imagine why Dolly (or anyone else) would ever want to marry him – however rich he was. Some of the big, lavish set pieces drag on, despite being “technically” impressive. 

On the plus side, it improves a little after a slow start. Barbra oozes star quality, as always, and is very funny in her own way. Michael Crawford is exceedingly watchable, too. He demonstrates his “Frank Spencer” physical comedy, but with a silly American accent. Marianne McAndrew is likeable as his love interest, Irene Molloy, and you wonder why she didn’t have a more successful career.

August: Osage County (2013)

A dysfunctional family get together for the occasion of a funeral. The unhinged mother (Meryl Streep) has mouth cancer and a pill addiction. Her three daughters (Julia Roberts, Julianne Nicholson, Juliette Lewis) all have domestic problems of their own. And their attempts to draw together as a family end in bitter recrimination. 

Adapted from a play by Tracy Letts, this is a hugely OTT drama. The all-star cast also includes Sam Shepherd, an oddly miscast Ewan McGregor, Benedict Cumberbatch, Chris Cooper and Dermot Mulroney. 

They all deliver solid performances, but the problem is that it’s so overwhelmingly overwrought that it’s almost farcical. And not in a comical way, either. The endless screaming became a chore and the refusal to allow even a glimmer of positivity was wearing indeed. It was such a bottomless pit of misery (with no contrasts or light and shade) that it couldn’t really engage as a drama. 

Streep seemed to be wearing a facial prosthetic to make her look older and sicker, and I found that offputting. 

Another flaw was that I couldn’t believe someone as vindictive, mentally unstable and chemically unbalanced as Streep’s character could have kept the family’s big secret for all those years, only to casually reveal it at the moment she did. 

A far stronger family drama is The Family Stone, which had wit and subtlety on its side.

Withnail and I (1987)

I couldn’t make it to the end of this. 

Richard E. Grant striding around barking like Rik Mayall in The Young Ones – but with none of the timing or comic flair that made Mayall so hypnotically watchable – made for a drab and tiresome beginning. For characters to be interesting, you have to be able to relate to them or care about them. 

It didn’t help that the DVD sound and picture quality were also terrible. I know it was set in the 1960s, but it looked like it was made in the 1960s as well – a cheap and nasty, faded-TV-drama feel. 

I always wanted to know what all the fuss was about with this film, but I’m still none the wiser.