Robin Hood (2010)


As with Gladiator, Ridley Scott directs and Russell Crowe is the main man. But the magic of that earlier film is not repeated.

It’s England in 1199 and there’s intrigue afoot, with a knight conspiring against King John of England (Oscar Isaac) with King Philip of France. Chaos and conflict ensue.

Rather than a simple tale of Robin Hood and his merry men, this is a fairly “serious” historical-drama treatment that deliberately veers away from the almost-pantomime silliness of the usual story – despite shoehorning in a lame, tokenistic Friar Tuck.

For a lengthy and sometimes complex film, there’s too little explanatory material and sometimes the narrative signposting is unclear. The motivations of Sir Godfrey (Mark Strong) and Sir Walter Loxley (Max von Sydow) aren’t always evident.

Ridley Scott’s usual visual flair is on display (he’s particularly expert at large, intense battle scenes), but it lacks Gladiator’s “special” factor – perhaps because Scott takes on too much at the expense of a single, cohesive story. The film attempts to detail the Robin Hood legend, retell a slice of actual English history and develop a credible romance scenario. Cate Blanchett makes for a refreshingly tough Maid Marian and seems to have real chemistry with Crowe, so I would have preferred more of their relationship and less messy muddying of myth and reality.

Crowe is always highly watchable but his constantly changing accent – did he think he was from Scotland, Northern Ireland or Yorkshire? – was a distraction.

The plot seemed to be setting up a sequel (Robin Hood only becomes the outlaw figure of legend in the closing minutes), but – several years later – that’s looking less and less likely.

Coriolanus (2011)


Directed by and starring Ralph Fiennes, this one alienated me at first and I hated it for about 45 minutes. Set in modern Rome (although it doesn’t look like Rome), but with Shakespearean language, it really seemed to jar. I also didn’t like the brutal, bloody violence or the visuals in general, and I found Vanessa Redgrave hammy and overwrought. I don’t have an issue with modernising Shakespeare (machine guns, mobile phones), but it seemed to lack context: the where, when and why of the action.

The film improved as it went on. Fiennes is always watchable. And the ongoing thread of depicting action through TV news footage was a nice touch. There was even the neat joke of Jon Snow presenting news reports in Shakespearean English.

The themes of war, loyalty, pride and politics and so on are as relevant as they ever were, but I still wish it had been set in Ancient Rome. Even better would have been to see Fiennes performing it on stage.

The Jerk (1979)


Wildly original comedy starring Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters. It brilliantly parodies the familiar rags-to-riches life story that makes up so many conventional narratives. There are some extremely funny moments, but for such an absurd story it’s also unexpectedly touching. The scene on the beach in which Navin (Martin) and Marie (Peters) sing to each other is hugely romantic, and the latter is particularly strong in this film.

There are many hilarious moments but my favourite is probably when Steve Martin reads out the “farewell” letter from Marie. It has got wet from the bathwater and the ink has run, so what he reads out is total gibberish.

A timeless gem that still seems fresh almost 40 years on.

The Main Event (1979)


The goodwill built up by Barbra Streisand and Ryan O’Neal in the hilarious What’s Up, Doc? is quickly dispersed in this lame “comedy” that reunited the two stars. Streisand plays Hillary Kramer, a businesswoman who made a fortune through perfumes – only to have her profits embezzled by her accountant. O’Neal is a financial asset she inherits – a retired boxer who has to fight again to win back the money she is owed. This ludicrous scenario might not be a problem in itself but a bigger issue is that the film simply isn’t funny. Countless scenes fall flat. Often you’re not even sure if they are supposed to be funny. How much did the producer – Barbra’s boyfriend, the hairdresser Jon Peters – have to do with this mess? (While Peters is credited as Producer in the opening titles, Streisand appears to take all the credit for the film in the commentary on the DVD. This is especially ironic as she should have been washing her hands of the whole debacle. Elsewhere on the DVD menus she is credited as co-producer. But if she was, why wasn’t that made clear when this first showed in cinemas?)

Failed humour is one problem, but there are also dodgy themes about race and gender that really don’t feel right. At points there’s a prominent feminist theme, but at other times Streisand seems to be angling her bottom at the camera and showing off pointless costume changes far more than the plot requires. What exactly is this film trying to say?

The boxing narrative is fairly weird and never rings true, but then the inevitable love story (or “glove story”, as they call it) doesn’t seem to work either. Whereas Streisand absolutely sparkles in What’s Up, Doc?, here she cannot transcend the limitations of the script. And that script is so muddled and unconvincing that you’re left baffled rather than entertained.

Elysium (2013)


Dystopian sci-fi action thriller. It’s 2154, and Earth (specifically, Los Angeles) is a ruined slum whose inhabitants live in desperate poverty. Meanwhile on Elysium, a huge nearby space station, the elite citizens enjoy lives of luxury with advanced technology and healthcare bays that can cure seemingly anything. (The rich/poor social divide brings to mind The Hunger Games – plus, the shuttles look suspiciously similar.) A fairly convoluted plot sees this injustice and the social order challenged by a bunch of tech-savvy L.A. thugs.

Matt Damon plays the hero, Max Da Costa, who – dying of radiation poisoning – has Elysium’s data stored in a brain implant in exchange for a chance to travel there and be healed. Jodie Foster is the ruthless Defense Secretary Jessica Delacourt, who is out to stop him and who, script-wise, has little to get her teeth into. Alice Braga is Frey Santiago, Max’s childhood friend whose daughter also needs urgent medical treatment. As with Foster, she’s not given much to actually act with and the romance you expect to see never flourishes. Sharlto Copley is pretty awful as the one-dimensional nasty sleeper agent Kruger.

It’s extremely violent and there’s a lot of pointless swearing. The dialogue is banal at best. The film makes some interesting points about class and society, but risks becoming just another shoot-’em-up – albeit in a more exotic setting. You want to explore the miraculous environment of the space station, but instead have to watch sweaty men fighting and throwing hand grenades at each other. A shame, because somewhere in there is an intriguing idea that could have been developed in a much more sophisticated and rewarding way.

The Revenant (2015)


Unrelentingly grim and bloody tale of North American frontiersman Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio) trying to survive against all the odds. It’s 1823, and desperate, isolated communities of trappers and hunters battle it out in the frozen wilds. Everything horrible you can imagine happening to Glass happens to him. He witnesses his wife’s murder. He’s attacked and badly maimed by a bear. He’s nearly smothered to death by a crazed colleague. He’s buried alive. He witnesses his son’s murder. He’s swept away in river rapids. He’s shot at. He falls off a cliff into a tree. And he has to sleep inside his dead horse (after pulling out the innards). Plus, he’s intent on exacting his revenge – whatever the cost.

It’s not exactly cheerful. But the film has a primal intensity that keeps you hooked. The scenery is stunning. And DiCaprio is watchable, even beneath the beard, blood, filth and fur. Ultimately, though, it’s too harrowing and brutal to constitute entertainment. It’s unclear what you’re meant to take away from it. I was left feeling troubled and disturbed.

What’s Up, Doc? (1972)


Ingenious “screwball” comedy starring Barbra Streisand (as Judy Maxwell) and Ryan O’Neal (as Howard Bannister). The script is hilariously sharp. The slapstick is spot-on. Produced, written and directed by Peter Bogdanovich, it begins as farce and becomes increasingly ridiculous. Four identical-looking bags get mixed up in a San Francisco hotel. One contains top-secret documents, one contains expensive jewels, one contains rare igneous rocks and one contains Judy’s clothing and a dictionary. Endless mix-ups ensue, with Streisand and O’Neal eventually finding themselves being pursued by gangsters. There are countless laugh-out-loud moments. Streisand is as funny as she has ever been – an absolute delight. As a witty romp, with a dash of romance and plenty of absurdity, it’s pretty much unbeatable.

Passengers (2016)


Engineer Jim Preston (Chris Pratt) is accidentally awakened 90 years too early from long-term hibernation on the spaceship Avalon on the way to a colony planet with 5,000 passengers – a plot seemingly borrowed for Alien Covenant. Lonely, suicidal and craving company, he deliberately wakes up fellow passenger Aurora Lane (Jennifer Lawrence), thus essentially sentencing her to death on the trip with him. The film explores these moral issues as well as their complex relationship, which gets a lot more complex when she learns how she awoke. But then other things start to go wrong...

It’s a funny, scary, dramatic and romantic story that works because it’s so simple. The ship looks stunning, as do all the effects (a swimming pool during a gravity-loss malfunction), and the two main actors are perfect in the lead roles.

It’s clever the way the film parodies the bland commercial corporate-speak of the company organising the colony. Also appealing is the droid barman (Michael Sheen), who acts as a confidant to the characters and seems almost human. Rather than offering a cold, technological experience, the narrative focuses on the humanity of Jim and Aurora. It’s a delight to see a space film that’s so full of warmth.

Gladiator (2000)


This Ridley Scott-directed modern classic set in AD 180 seemed even better second time around. It looked more impressive at the cinema in 2000, but it moved me more deeply on DVD today in 2018. Russell Crowe is hugely charismatic as Maximus. He never lets you down, does he? Joaquin Phoenix is creepily compelling as the insecure, self-pitying Commodus (although, having seen I Walk the Line, I had to not think of him as Johnny Cash). In a less imaginative script this villain could have been a cardboard-cut-out baddie, but Gladiator is sophisticated enough that Commodus is sympathetic as well as repulsive. Connie Nielsen is excellent as the sister who Commodus wants an incestuous relationship with. The all-star cast also features Oliver Reed (shortly before his death), Richard Harris and Derek Jacobi.

I like the way it starts out as one kind of film (the story of a Roman general), then detours into the saga of a slave-turned-gladiator-turned-superstar-folk-hero, before somehow coming full circle as Maximus attempts to save Rome. To its credit, the film doesn’t take the obvious paths. The story seems to be pointing to one kind of resolution and surprises you more than once before the ending.

As a piece of riveting drama it’s pretty much unbeatable. Even though it’s long, I found it almost ridiculously exciting. There’s little you could change to improve it: stunning visuals, stirring music, an epic sweep, a nail-biting plot escalation and an emotional climax.

The Perfect Storm (2000)


Based on the true story written by Sebastian Junger, The Perfect Storm details the drama of the Andrea Gail, a fishing boat from the small town of Gloucester, Massachusetts, that was caught in a storm of vast proportions in 1991.

It begins by setting out the characters of the crew, and the domestic backstory is strong. You get to know their hopes, problems and motivations, so that when they finally go to sea the real action plays out with individuals you actually care about. The relationships within the team on the boat are also explored. George Clooney plays the captain and Mark Wahlberg is the inexperienced fisherman with the most to lose.

On the plus side, the storm looks amazing. Whether CGI or models were used, the disaster scenario – tiny boat dwarfed by huge waves – looks completely real. On the down side, the classical music score is intrusive and self-consciously “epic” – even corny at times. That’s a shame, because wiser decisions had been made for a bar scene near the start that’s greatly enhanced by Bruce Springsteen, Bob Marley and Tom Waits on the jukebox. Plus, there are some ethical issues. The film made a lot of money at the box office but as far as I’m aware none of that went to the survivors’ relatives. In fact, two families of crew members sued the filmmakers over issues of accuracy. Much of the plot is conjecture anyway. No one will ever know what really happened.

All things considered, it was worth seeing. Would I watch it again? Probably not. But it did inspire me to read the book.

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)


Historical naval drama set in 1805 during the Napoleonic Wars and adapted from Patrick O’Brian’s popular fiction series. Russell Crowe plays Jack Aubrey, the captain of the English ship HMS Surprise intent on capturing the French ship Acheron. Crowe is charismatic, as ever, but I wasn’t entirely convinced that a captain so reasonable and jovial could simultaneously be so bent on pursuing an enemy. This feeling of implausibility grew as Jack Aubrey sacrificed so many of his crew for seemingly very little gain.

Plot and character motivation aside, the film does have a lot going for it. Paul Bettany is sympathetic and highly convincing as Aubrey’s friend Dr. Stephen Maturin. The baroque music the pair play together on cello and violin sounds wonderful. And the detail of life on the ship is well created, even if there does seem to be an endless supply of everything hidden somewhere within the confines of the small craft. The nature theme and the scenes in the Galápagos islands also added a layer of richness.

The two sections that will stay with me were the “Jonah” episode, in which a victimised midshipman commits suicide because he starts to believe he's bringing bad luck to the crew, and a harrowing moment in which a man overboard is left for dead when the captain has to cut the ropes of a collapsed sail that endangers the boat.

According to Wikipedia, the lack of women in the film makes it one of only “about 120 films made since 1934 with an all-male cast”.