Crocodile Dundee (1986)

The internet: “A journalist travels to Australia to interview a unique crocodile poacher. When he rescues her from an attack, she invites him to New York and, despite the cultural differences, they fall in love.”

It’s an endearingly simple story that really hinges upon the appealing character created by Paul Hogan. He’s oddly believable as the unreconstructed bushman who can wrestle with or tame wild beasts. 

The film would never be made now because of various un-PC lines about race and gender.

Like Splash, it works as both a fish-out-of-water comedy and as a sweet romance. Linda Kozlowski is charming as Sue Charlton, who falls for the subject she researches. And Mark Blum is appropriately unlikeable as the man she thought she was in love with. There are enough laughs to keep you watching.

Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)

I had wanted to see this film for 35 years, but unfortunately it turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. 

Roberta (Rosanna Arquette) is a bored housewife who becomes obsessed with the personal ads in her newspaper – particularly those between a couple called Susan and Jim. Her life changes when she starts stalking Susan (played by Madonna) around the streets of New York and becomes accidentally involved in a crime involving a pair of stolen Egyptian earrings. Then Roberta has a bump on the head and can’t even remember her own name. She’s forced to begin a new life with a new identity, while simultaneously being pursued by a killer.

Not funny enough to work as a comedy nor exciting enough to work as a drama, the story often falls flat. It tries to become a sort of farce but then misses opportunities to squeeze comedy out of absurd situations. Compare it to What’s Up, Doc? to see how it could have been done so much better. 

Arquette is fairly sweet as the lead character. Madonna is pretty good, too, largely because she barely speaks. Roberta’s husband (Mark Blum), sister-in-law (Laurie Metcalf) and new boyfriend (Aidan Quinn) are merely so-so, largely because of the average script. Deadpan comedian Steven Wright is also present, but criminally underused. 

The soundtrack is bizarrely inappropriate, with clanking synths and drums almost drowning out everything else. Only Madonna’s “Into the Groove” and a burst of Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life” redeem it. 

As it lumbers towards a laboured conclusion, you realise that the “Egyptian earrings” plot is one thread too many. It could have been ditched entirely to keep the focus on the various relationships, as there’s enough going on already with the strands about memory loss and mistaken identity. It’s far from a terrible film – just a bit of a mess.